Here I am sitting at my computer, with a to-do list a mile long and I can't stop thinking about Ollie. And today I think of him in a very heavy way... Annie had her 15 month check-up this morning... On our way out, I stopped to book her 18 month appointment. The nurse behind the desk, "Hmmm, let's see, we can do January 3rd?" That's the day Ollie died, "No!" "Or, we have a few appointments at the end of December... December 28th?" That's the day Ollie went into the hospital, the first day of his last week on Earth. And, there it is... grief almost 3 years after Ollie's death, hitting me hard like a bag of bricks... and my chest feels heavy.
Just catching up on some papers from Maddie's homework folder... The last sentence... "I will hap babby with bobbob's on thr hat." Translation: I will help babies with boo boos on their hearts ❤️ Takes my breath away ❤️ So thankful for my sunshine girl ❤️
I woke up this morning with Ollie weighing heavy on my mind... Before bed last night, I couldn't stop staring at this picture of Ollie, myself, and Annabelle. Actually, I couldn't stop staring at Ollie. I had this very hard to describe feeling... almost like I had to remind myself that this little boy existed once and that he was mine... that I got to stare into these gorgeous eyes every day, I got to feel him looking back at me, run my fingers through his curls, kiss those sweet lips, nibble on those cheeks, nuzzle into that cozy little spot of his neck, LISTEN to the sounds he made. I had a son for 13 months (and I still do).
On January 3, 2013, my 1 yr old son, Ollie, passed away. That's where my life "before Ollie" ends and my grief journey begins... My new normal, my path toward healing, my life "after Ollie". I'm a grieving mother who believes in hope. This is my story.